Friday, August 12, 2011

DTSS Security: Protecting Us from Hungry Babies

I just want to take a moment to recognize another instance of everyday heroics on the part of Downtown Silver Spring’s security personnel. Their past bravery in curtailing the heinous crime of photography and never infringing on teenagers’ right to harass women and yell profanities in front of small children has been well documented. Now, they deserve additional recognition for protecting the fair citizens of Silver Spring from witnessing the abomination that is a mother breastfeeding her infant child. Recently, one of our Segway-riding real-life superheroes witnessed a mother feeding her child by the fountain and charged into action, showing a total disregard for personal safety and ordering this degenerate to perform her unnatural act outside the wholesome sanctuary of Downtown Silver Spring.

And wouldn’t you know it - like most modern-day criminal scum, the perpetrator of this perversion had the audacity to claim to be the victim in this situation, disseminating her propaganda to the multitudinous subscribers of the DC Urban Moms listserv in an attempt to illicit sympathy from her fellow scofflaws. Her story was further distributed by the Silver Spring Moms Yahoo group, the message board used by the local criminal element to coordinate their nefarious activities.

According to the malefactor, “Under Maryland law, mothers have the right to breastfeed in public. I am concerned that other mothers are being ordered to stop breastfeeding in downtown Silver Spring or feel that they must do so at a security guard’s 'suggestion.'"

Hahahah, silly hippie, you must be new here! Did you just move to Silver Spring from from some socialist Scandinavian country? Don’t you know that your liberal “laws” don’t apply in the sovereign territory of DTSS? On Ellsworth, justice is doled out according to the whim of the Whiteshirts, whose motto is “WE ARE THE LAW”.

Frankly, I think she got off easy. It is only due to the benevolence of this particular guard that she was “asked to leave” rather than finding herself and her child on the wrong end of a Taser. Thank you again, DTSS security, for protecting us from exposure to all the world's evils.

(If for whatever reason any security guards are looking to make a career move within the downtown area, the Tastee Diner may have an opening for a full-time lesbian ejector.)



23 comments:

Anonymous said...

I assume Peterson Co. will get more than their fair share of shit over this, but that's the price of having poorly trained security guards, I guess.

JS said...

Did anyone get a photograph of the alleged indecent exposure to a minor?

Also, I'm surprised the Tastee Diner didn't fire that waitress, since they hate teh gays so much.

Anonymous said...

God, to think that just last week, I was at that very same fountain with my young children. It could have been us in the presence of breastfeeding. I may have needed to avert my eyes to avoid seeing this minimal display of nudity! No tax-paying citizen should be subjected to this.

Anonymous said...

Peterson and Company has already received a letter from an elected official and responded that they made a mistake, including a remediation plan with several points in it, including training the guards, printing up copies of the law for guards to show to customers who complain, reaching out to La Leche League to stage a community education event, etc.

I'm willing to give the company the benefit of the doubt -- they made a mistake, which could reasonably be attributed to ignorance of the law, and they are fixing it.

My overall impression of the person who's replaced Jennifer Nettles is that she doesn't have the same sense of PR and understanding of our community overall -- consider her Facebook posts about great values at McDonalds! My guess is she's pretty inexperienced and tried to resolve an issue by mollifying both sides, not recognizing the underlying issue for what it is.

Anonymous said...

The appropriate response can be found here.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/28/us-arrest-breastmilk-idUSTRE75R3Q420110628

Amanda said...

And topless babies...
I have been told by those rent-a-cops that my 16 month old daughter may not be topless in the fountain because it is indecent. If she didn't have a hair bow in you wouldn't know she was a girl! I protested loudly, ignored them, then proceeded to watch my daughter play. They did nothing because they have no authority.

Clancy said...

That was quite an exhibition of bravery, actually. You never know how those crazy breast feeding women will react when confronted by superior morality. . . let alone the child. I wonder if they even carry handcuffs small enough for an infant?

On two occasions this summer, I've actually witnessed DTSS finest private security personnel clear the fountain of all the deviant children "playing" so that genuine upstanding citizens could have their pictures taken with a pristine water feature in the background.

Anonymous said...

The situation with the Peterson security guards is utterly unacceptable, of course. But reading the article about the Tastee Diner incident, I am not so inclined to pass judgment. It sounds perfectly plausible that they kicked her out for a) taking up real estate for two hours and b) being a distraction to her girlfriend who was working at the time.

Furthermore, you lose a lot of credibility when you actually admit to having lied on your complaint to the Office of Human Rights.

Anonymous said...

What did you expect the guard to do? That baby was totally biting that poor woman! Zombies! AAAAAHH!!

Anonymous said...

'Tis a bit much, but fountains and bodily fluids are not a good mix.

lonebear said...

anonymous 10:41: Peterson has used up all their stock of "benefit of the doubt. They screw up by the numbers too regularly. Including 'forgetting' to have the fountain rules visible on occasion.

anon 2:28: There is no issue with 'bodily fluids'. The fountain plaza is very well defined to keep fountain water separate from spills around it.

Anonymous said...

If Peterson security wants to flex their pseudo-cop muscles, I truly wish they would kick out the dozens of interest groups now plaguing Ellsworth, asking you again and again and again if you've "got a minute to save children" or fight whalers or whatever other cause celebre they are pushing.

It's like walking a gauntlet now.

Anonymous said...

Yea, what is with all of these young-looking people asking for money lately? I think every day this week, they've been out by the metro. It's different people each day, wearing different colored shirts. What are they raising funds for? I never stop to ask for fear of getting roped into some length sales pitch.

Molly said...

they're trying to increase donations and awareness for their nonprofit organizations. i sympathize with the canvassers to a certain extent and their causes are usually noble, but it's really out of control on ellsworth. and generally intrusive.

Jim said...

Lonebear --- what about the bodily fluids from all the very young children playing in the fountain. I now walk upwind after having the fountain mist blow across me on windy days.
I do have an issue with the fountain being used as public pool and not being able to sit out there and read and enjoy the day because of all the "activity" going on. If it were only open to play a couple hours a day, that would be one thing.... but unless you are downtown before 9-10am you can forget about it.
but until someone gets hurt, I don't see it changing.

Anonymous said...

"not being able to sit out there and read and enjoy the day because of all the "activity" going on."

Are you freakin serious? The fountain is meant for play. You want to just have it sit there unused? Why are you entitled to the space over all the families? You can't read your book anywhere else in the downtown area, e.g. the massive bunch of benches on the plaza? You should apply to be a Peterson Co. security guard with that twisted sense of entitlement and lack of common sense.

Clancy said...

Anon @12:16pm, 8/15: Jim just wants a nice, peaceful place go for a quiet read after he yells at all the kids to get off his lawn.

Seriously, Jim, the fountain was intended for use by those kids, not antisocial curmudgeons like yourself. There are plenty of places where you can go in the downtown area to read without having to worry about horrible children laughing, shrieking, and interacting with each other.

Terry in Silver Spring said...

"reaching out to La Leche League to stage a community education event"

Oh, good heavens. Educate the guards. The rest of us are just fine.

kristy said...

Jamie (the mom) is also the same woman that successfully rallied to save the National Zoo's Kids' Farm. She is a real go-getter.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/kids-farm-at-national-zoo-could-be-spared/2011/07/19/gIQAIwkWOI_story.html

dtk404 said...

Security guards at DTSS don't do a single thing if they can help it. They do nothing to protect children playing in the "Slippery When Wet" fountain. I've never seen a single one ever do anything but stand around. They're lazy and untrained. Time to end the Peterson Companies lease on Ellsworth Dr.

Anonymous said...

@dtk404
What, you don't like free, albeit under-trained, security? Let's not go overboard here.

Anonymous said...

Peterson is a right wing reactionary. What else did MOCO expect when they picked him to develop DTSS. The arse thinks it is fine to build on the Bull Run battlefield and cut down eagle's nests (did this at National Harbor) so it is not like there was not any warning. I still think Jemal Douglass would have done a better job, even if he is a crook!

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