Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Best Anti-Silver Spring Rant To Date

Blog rants about how Silver Spring is "all chains", etc. is nothing new on The Internets, but this is certainly the first diatribe about it I've seen on You Tube:

This guy is even loonier than the wingnut who hung the "Where's Obama's real birth certificate?" banner from the Surrender Dorothy railroad bridge this week. Exactly what is he proposing, anyway? Is the DC National Guard supposed to send tanks across the border or does he plan to wage a guerrilla war with suicide bombers on Ellsworth?

And WTF is that statuette on his desk of? Cthulhu?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My costume is prepared! How's yours?

The Inaugural Silver Spring Zombie Walk is fast approaching, and there's only about ten days left to get your costumes in order!

For the most part, zombie costumes can be made cheaply and easily, but if you take pride in your undead appearance you'll want to take a few extra steps to perfect your look. Fortunately, making zombie costumes is nothing new, so there's a ton of resources out there.

The following are some websites with tips on creating a great costume:

- Expert Village - How to Make a Zombie Costume (Some great how-to videos here.)

- Zombie Maker - The Definitive Zombie Make Up and Costume Guide

- wikiHow - How to Look Like a Zombie. They also have a page dedicated to the essential art of making fake blood.

- Gorify - Zombie makeup tips

- 365 Halloween - How to make a zombie costume with makeup

(If you want to know how to move and act like a Zombie, I highly recommend watching the scene in Shaun of the Dead that takes place just before they infiltrate the zombie mob.)

There are plenty of places around town where you should be able to find a lot of the necessary makeup items. There's the temporary Halloween shop located on the Ellsworth Promenade as well as another costume shop hidden back on Brookville Road, not far from downtown. For zombie clothing, I highly recommend hitting up a local Salvation Army or Goodwill retail store.

Based on the response I've seen thus far, I expect a great turnout for the walk. Remember, the gathering begins at The Quarry House at 8PM on November 1st. Don't miss it!

Oh, and if you aren't participating, please do not use one of these on me. Remember, it's just a costume...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Joe the Plumber's Got Nothing on This Guy

There have been moments over the years where our collective chest has swelled with pride over the accomplishments of fellow Silver Springers, such as when Dominique Dawes won an Olympic Gold Medal, when Goldie Hawn won an Oscar or when John Walker Lindh gained worldwide fame as the "American Taliban". Now, one Silver Spring man has trumped all the accomplishments of those that came before him.

I am of course referring to Brett Hill of Best-Hill Services, the visionary creator of the Toilet Cycle:

Did the Teutuls have enough ingenuity to create a rolling bathroom on American Chopper? I think not.

I will definitely call this guy next time I need a plumber, but if the doesn't roll up in the Toilet Cycle, I'm sending him home. (Unlike the aforementioned Joe the Plumber, I presume Mr. Hill actually has a plumbing license.)

The story has even gone national - it was featured recently on both the Today Show and Countdown With Keith Olberman. (The Olberman segment can be viewed here - it starts at 0:41.) Amazingly, neither report managed to pluralize "Silver Spring".

If you want to catch a glimpse of Toilet Cycle in person, it will be gracing our fine streets next month as (the best) part of the Silver Spring Thanksgiving Parade.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Zombie Walk is On!

The details for the First Annual Silver Spring Zombie Walk have been finalized (for the most part), and we now even have an official website, thanks to Eric at

The undead shall gather at the Quarry House Tavern on Saturday, November 1st starting at 8PM. Once the Zombie Mob has reached critical mass it will be unleashed on the unsuspecting denizens of downtown Silver Spring. After wreaking havoc upon the Ellsworth Promenade and surrounding environs, it will conclude at the AFI Silver Theatre for a 10:30 showing of the movie that started it all: Night of the Living Dead.

All ages are welcome - even kids can be zombified. Further details specifics on the walk will be forthcoming. BE THERE!

Here's the official Facebook event page, for those of you that into that kinda stuff.

For more information on Zombie Walks, my original post is here.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Silver Spring and the New Great Depression

So the stock market has completely collapsed, unemployment is growing, the number of foreclosures is increasing rapidly... what does this all mean for Silver Spring?

Will the Fillmore project continue as planned? (Has it ever?) I don't care what zoning hurdles it recently cleared or if the Sarah-Palin-loving Lees are ready to proceed - I could easily see Live Nation pulling out now, citing deteriorating economic conditions (who wants to pay $100 to see Jay-Z anymore?). I sincerely doubt IMP would rush in to take their place, despite what they may have claimed in the past.

The only live music you are going to be enjoying in downtown Silver Spring for the foreseeable future is a raggedy guy on the corner of Fenton and Ellsworth repeatedly playing "Three Blind Mice" on a recorder while collecting nickles in an old Orioles hat.

Once the county puts the brakes on the civic center, the area that was once "The Turf" will become become the site of Silver Spring's main "Bushville". Folks driven from their foreclosed Burtonsville McMansions will establish a tent city rife with dysentery and consumption. It will not be dissimilar in atmosphere to the parking lot of the old Silver Spring "Typhoid" McDonald's. Some of you may recall what I'm talking about.

We can suspend the endless arguments over the configuration of the Purple Line - who's going to pay for the thing anyway? County tax receipts aren't going anywhere but down. Hey, there won't be any jobs to commute to, so would we really need it anyway? If it does get built, it may end up looking something like this:

I guess we shoulda built it while we had the chance.

The one project the county should proceed with is the new downtown library, but without limiting its size as some fear they are doing. If there's one group whose ranks will be swelling in the coming months it will be the homeless, a core public library demographic.

Perhaps this economic crisis will prove to be the catalyst for the long-awaited City Place Renaissance. Marshall's should see a big spike in the sale of crap clothes, and Steve & Barry's will sell $5 pieces of clothing like hotcakes. What's with their "going out of business" sale, anyway? Are they having a sale because that store is going out of business or because other stores are? Their picket signs are somewhat vague.

So what's my personal plan for weathering the economic apocalypse? By living off the land. Don't think this can be accomplished in an edge city? Oh, I assure you it can.

For starters, I will take to hunting game in Sligo Creek Park. There's certainly plenty of deer, and while I'll feel guilty about taking their lives, it's them or me. If you live near the park and a stray bullet from a Bushmaster rifle flies through your bedroom window, my bad. Inevitably, however, the deer population will become decimated at the hands of starving suburbanites. At that point I will have to switch to smaller prey. The thought of it isn't particularly appetizing, but Silver Spring has a boundless population of squirrels that can be used for subsistence if necessary. Every time I walk out my front door these days, half a dozen or more go scattering for the trees. I'll also enjoy "seafood"on occasion - crayfish collected from under rocks in Sligo Creek.

Along with my neighbors, I will also establish a collective farm located in Sligo Creek Park where we'll grow a variety of fruits and vegetables. Of course, we'll need to take shifts standing guard in order to protect our harvest from those thieving hobos. I'll also need to be vigilant and remember to not leave hot pies cooling unattended on my windowsill.

You might think that this is all completely absurd, but you haven't seen my 3rd quarter 401K statement.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Begun the Sign War has.

I've noticed that there are finally some pro-Purple Line signs sprouting up on lawns near the chimerical choo-choo's proposed paths. The "Purple Line/Greener Future" slogan isn't quite as clever as "No Train on Wayne", but at least that side now has some representation in the yard sign wars. Personally, I think they should have used "Let's Run a Train", but I imagine that wouldn't have gone over particularly well.

This is an important development, because as everyone knows, political decisions are usually made based on the number of yard signs one side displays relative to the other. Of course, that means the Train Lovers are in trouble, because so far they are badly outnumbered in these neighborhoods worse than McCain signs are by Obama ones. (I actually saw my first McCain/Palin sign this morning on my way to work.)

Every street seem to have their own Purple Line sucks signs and slogans these days, including Silver Spring and Thayer Avenues and Sligo Avenue. Apparently the Sligo Avenue plan proposes the use of Pullman Cars.

I wish my street was on the list of potential routes so that I might have the opportunity to display a catchy slogan in my front yard. If you are interested in defacing your lawn, you can get a free pro-Wayne Train sign here. I don't know where you get a "No Train" sign. Just steal someone else's, I guess.