Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Zombie Apocalypse: Silver Spring

Since there's nothing "real" that is interesting enough to write about these days, let's delve into the hypothetical. In the comments from my last post, the subject of zombies in Silver Spring somehow came up. Ever since then, I've had zombies on the brain ("Braaaaaiiiiiiinnnnssss...") and was thinking about what I'd do if the zombie apocalypse came to pass.

Here's what I came up with:

First, I'd make a beeline for Atlantic Guns. God knows you can't take on crowds of zombies without an arsenal of firearms worthy of Chuck Heston - most particularly shotguns. If the Zombies haven't already overrun the downtown area, or if the hordes are still thin enough that I can blast my way through them, my next stop would be Strosnider's to grab chainsaws, machetes and axes plus any tools that can serve as blunt edged weapons. If they've got a generator and there's time, I'd requisition a truck and bring that along as well.

Then I’d haul ass down Fenton Street over to the Safeway and load shopping carts up with bottled water and canned goods. Some might consider this a good place to hole up, but I don’t agree. More on that later. Once I’ve loaded up my vehicle, I’d drive a few blocks to my home for the foreseeable future – the Silver Spring fire station.

Why the fire station?

  • The station is in a strategic position that offers an excellent visibility in most directions of any approaching zombies (Allowing me to pick them off with my rifle.)
  • I assume it has proper living quarters as well as exercise equipment I can use to stay in zombie-slaughtering shape.
  • The building will likely have a supply of firefighting equipment, some of which (axes) could effectively be used to decapitate the enemy.
  • Its location adjacent to the train tracks offers easy access to a relatively secure route out of town if it came to that. The tracks would probably be a lot more open and safer than the the city streets.
  • Fire trucks could be used to plow through crowds of zombies. Fun.
Some of the windows in the lower level might need to be boarded up, but the garage doors should offer sufficient protection.

Runner Up:

Safeway. While one could last for some time on Safeway's stock of food, I don't love the idea of large, difficult-to-defend windows that could collapse under the pressing weight of hundreds of zombies. This was my original choice, but I changed my mind.

Besides, the Safeway parking lot is scary enough without zombies:

Photo by Flickr user tanekaberi.

Whole Foods has the same drawbacks as Safeway, plus it's smaller. It does have the secret upper level in it's favor, though. At least you could fall back to there if things got ugly.

Let's have a survey - what would your strategy be for surviving the onslaught of the undead in Silver Spring? Here's a few rules & guidelines for this exercise:
  • The Zombies you’d be running from are the archetypical slow, plodding undead made famous in George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. You wouldn’t have to worry about any of these newfangled sprinting zombies à la 28 Days Later. Sure, it’s easier to avoid the slow ones, but what they lack in speed they make up for in numbers and persistence.
  • You would have a brief window of time – let’s say thirty minutes - to gather supplies and reinforce your preferred hideout before downtown is completely overrun by the living dead.
  • Your hideout must be located in an area of Silver Spring inside the Beltway, preferably in downtown. In this scenario, the roads are already jammed and you won’t have the ability to reach any SSINO areas.
  • The National Guard won’t be coming to the rescue anytime soon, if ever. Be sure you are prepared for the long haul.
I’m pretty confident in my zombie-killing ability after countless hours wasted playing Resident Evil and Dead Rising. If you feel you need additional preparation prior to the Zombiepocalypse, I would suggest reading The Zombie Survival Guide or browsing through the Zombie Survival and Defense Wiki website.

You may also find this instructional video helpful:

If you wish to assess your chance of survival, take the Real Zombie Survival Quiz.

Before you make any decisions, here's a few places that might initially appear to be good anti-zombie redoubts, but would actually really suck:

The Quarry House Tavern. Sure, being trapped in an underground lair stocked with plenty of beer may sound fun, and the location is easily defendable, but think about it: you are in a basement with no electricity, perishable food and just a single (?) exit through a small stairwell. You have to assume that the stairs with be jam packed with zombies once they figure out where you are. Good luck getting out of there when your supplies run out.

City Place. Unlike the characters in Dawn of the Dead, who were able to indulge in an orgy of wanton consumerism in their mall, anyone trapped in City Place would probably be bored out of their minds in under fifteen minutes. You’d probably turn your shotgun around on yourself after a day or two. One thing City Place might have going for it is that even zombies probably wouldn’t want to venture into that mall, fresh brains notwithstanding.

Silver Spring Police Station. You would think it would be secure and well-stocked with weapons, and it is near a 7-11, but in all zombie stories they always seem to get into the police station, so I'm not taking the risk.

Ok, now - discuss.


Anonymous said...

I'd stay in my 8th floor apartment in the MICA.

Tina & Drew said...

Love this post -

Damn stay in Silver Spring? There goes my idea of hauling ass on my bike (or stealing a motorcycle) to seek sanctuary at Andrews AFB. OR stealing a boat and heading for the middle of the Potomac!

Hmmmm initial thoughts are head for Whole Foods - the hidden second floor would be good, blow out the stairs and then one could perhaps fish for food down below is the first floor becomes infested.

Or that building on the other side of 8700 Georgia - by the Chevy Chase bank looks like you could hold down fort if you supply yourself - windows have bars, pretty sturdy door, and if your totally screwed you could barricade yourself in the tower up top.

Springvale Roader said...

Oh ye of little faith! Harry had it right all along: "The basement is the safest part of the house!" But nooooo, Ben insisted they stay upstairs where they could have a fighting chance of escape. Well, we saw how that turned out, didn't we? Looks like ol' Harry was right, even if he did forget to evict daddy's little zombie before hiding there -- a move he unlived to regret.

That said, I know where I would hide: my house. It's the purloined letter: hiding in plain sight. I already have plenty of dried supplies, having watched people suffer after Katrina. It's got all the comforts of home. I can draw the shades and keep the lights off and the dead would just shamble by. At night I could slip out the back and raid nearby abandoned houses for supplies.
Best of all, until the power went out, we could kill time by watching my DVD collection of zombie movies.

Yep, that's the ticket (although it did occur to me that Atlantic Guns might be a fine place to hide, until the drawbacks of eating nothing but gunpowder occurred to me).

Sligo said...

Atlantic guns is a bad place to hide because it would no doubt attract other survivors who will lead the zombies there. And you can probably trust desperate survivors less than the zombies.

Springvale Roader said...

Good point, Sligo. The living always pose a greater threat than the dead, at least in the movies. Hopefully we'll all be more cooperative in real life.

Anonymous said...

You need a long vacation. You are getting delirious. You were a sign of life in Deadsville. And... and now... you've become one of them...

Anonymous said...

Instead of hiding from the zombies, I'd get them to join my protest against the Discovery Channel.

MDBBQFiend said...

First stop - Atlantic Guns and then it's straight acorss the street and into The Quarry House. Great liquor, decent taps, and a narrow staircase to defend. Didn't they try something like this in "Shaun of the Dead? If I gotta go, well, I'll go down blasting and boozing at the QH...

Sligo said...

Yeah, that didn't really work out too well in Shaun of the Dead, if I recall. I will always remember people running out of the theater during that scene.

wombat said...

Quarry House must have another exit. A fire exit, or a service entrance? But, it would be pitch black in there. So that's still no good.

The fire station seems like a good idea. But if you wouldn't let me in, I'd try that animal hospital next to the police station. It has always seemed to me rather unappealingly fortresslike, but that would be just the thing. And since the zombies always get into the police station, maybe they'd be so distracted they'd leave the building next door alone.

Tina & Drew said...

I'd be in and out at Atlantic Guns... Grab shotty and ammo and keep on hauling...

No matter what sanctuary - just beware letting in the screaming child or survivors carting in people with zombie bites into your sanctuary... Sigh...

That whole 5 minute intro into 28 weeks later I'm like DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!!! Children are always precludes to mass destruction in zombie flicks.

Did love that scene in the Dawn of the Dead remake with that one little girl outside in the hallway in the very beginning... I see that in my place I'm lunging for the fireplace poker.

baj said...

"Yeah, that didn't really work out too well in Shaun of the Dead, if I recall. I will always remember people running out of the theater during that scene."

YOU remember or you remember ME remembering?

also, wouldn't you prefer to stay in your basement with all of its amenities and running water and running HD and whatnot?

Sligo said...

Huh, what? I remember it well myself, thank you very much.

That HDTV and running water won't last very long so I'd be Audi 5000.

Jessica McFadden said...

I'm thinking of the roof of the Discovery building. Maybe the immense blow up shark for Shark Week could be used to signal helicopters.

Anonymous said...

Stock up at Giant, then chill in the courthouse at 2nd and Cameron..or thereabouts. Big secure cement walls, and probably some guns and stuff.
Speaking of zombies, has anyone else noticed a seeming increase in the number of bums on the block or so arround the Diner between said courthouse and Georgia Ave? Maybe it's just me...

Dave Murphy said...

Sligo, this is definitely your best post ever.

I'd head to Piratz Tavern and look for survivors. Anyone who works there would probably be good at killing zombies. I'd also stock up on liquor bottles, as they make great molotov cocktails, which can take out large numbers of zombies at once.

I think my final stop would be Regal Theaters, right at the top of the escalators. That's the only way in, and you have the high ground. Plus there's some junk food to live on (nonperishable) and likely a horde of movies on zombie survival that you can reference.

Disco Stu said...

Although I totally dig this post, we're making an error here: assuming there will be power. Holding up at home or anywhere else starts to suck a lot more when the utilities go out. (Unless the zombies who work the plant are still going at it.... Ha, that'd be funny, ala Shaun of the Dead).
So, zombies seem to be attrached to where there are people. Avoid the people = Avoid the zombies.

Ideally? I'd have time to prepare... Like wacked out Ted Nugent Style. In which case, it's get a motorcycle outfitted with bladey hubcapps, roll through them Ben Hur Style and get out to the country.

Other than that? Roof deck. Venture down to the other apartments after they clear out to raid, but not during the night, day! Zombies don't sleep! And they seem to rely on smell, I want to see them coming. And rig up a repel off the roof incase that gets' busted. Do plenty of yoga and read books I've been meaning to in order to stay fit. I've got the Complete Idiot's Guide to Tai Chi or something around here somewhere.

Now for weapons? You want distance, a polearm. A knife on a broom will do. Then a fireman's ax. Then a shotgun.

Sligo said...

Disco Stu: I did mention grabbing a generator, if possible. I figure it's a given that the power will go out after a day or so. Maybe the fire station has it's own generator already.

The lack of power is one of the main reason I'd avoid basements.

wombat said...

I am afraid that the folks at Piratz Tavern would only be good at fighting pretend zombies. I wouldn't trust them to defend me because they'd be too worried about messing up their outfits!

Homesick said...

Anyone who is saying Quarry House or Regal Theater or the like is making a huge strategic error by underestimating the relentless waves of undead they will be contending with.

The top of the escalators is good if you were fighting off maybe 40 zombies who were nice enough to space themselves out over a half an hour giving you time to reload and regroup but if there are 100? 500? 1000? They would reach the top pretty quickly I think. You can't shoot and reload fast enough. Even if you had a few partners, all it takes is one of them to get bit and turn on the rest of you while your attention is focused on blasting zombies. Once you realize your former friend has taken out your entire crew and you turn the gun on them, all it takes is that split second delay (while you try to decide if there is any of your buddy left behind those empty zombie eyes) for another zombie to jump on your back and that is all she wrote.

And quarry house would crumble quickly under the crushing weight of the zombie onslaught once the scent of juicy live human flesh got into the air. OR maybe someone would just accidently bump into the jukebox which would blare out Bay City Rollers for a few seconds while everyone desperately looks for the power cord to shut it off. That kind of thing always happens. Anyways, once you found the power cord it would be too late. The zombies would have been alerted to your presence and be on their way.

I don't know if I would risk a food or gun run. I would head straight for the Lenox Park apartments. Talk the manager into getting the master keys or if everyone has fled find them yourself. Take out the elevators and start working on barring the staircases. Just start opening up apartments and dumping the entire contents behind any ground level entrances. Once you have a suitable barrier on the first, just start working your way up the floors and dumping more debris into the stairwell. Once you have two or floors worth of debris I think you are good. Even if they get past I don't think zombies will just wander up 20 flights of stairs.

Now it is time to start thinking about long term survival planning. Start filling up every bowl pot etc, you can find with water (in case the water service goes out) and scrounging food from all the apartments. Then head to the top floor/roof. They have a big party room on the top floor with a terrace/balcony I think. You could keep an eye on the situation outside from a safe distance and it is the ideal place for a marine helicopter rope ladder extraction.

Sligo said...


That's a damn good plan, but you take it for granted that the residents of Lenox Park have fled rather than been turned into zombies. If the latter is true, you'd have to do a floor-by-floor sweep (in the dark hallways?) and clear out the zombie population.

Anonymous said...

Sligo, I have a bad feeling this is all a fake-out. You ARE a zombie, and trying to determine what the rest of us will do when you take charge of your band of undead.

Homesick said...

Damn you Sligo... Good point. I do think the fire plan was a good plan but I just feel like in a zombie attack your number one priority has to be height. There are so many advantages, less chance of being noticed, visibility, easy air rescue and I think most importantly is restricting access. Staircases are the only way to get to you. Even in the firestation they might be able to wriggle through vents or pry windows loose and somehow manage to flank you. On the top floor of a tall building you know where they are coming from unless they learn how to use window washer equipment. Plus the staircase will take away their biggest advantage, numbers. It is just like the Battle of Thermopylae. If they surround the firestation you will have to take on a huge swarm of zombies coming at your from all directions. At the top of a building they have to line up in neat single file to get up the stairs. I like those odds better...

When all is said and done I think the best plan (if the zombies will eventually starve to death) is isolation. Just rob some camping gear and head for the appalachian trail. I would rather die in the middle of the wilderness from exposure, bear attack or starvation than become a zombie.

Sligo said...

If rescue by air is a consideration, then perhaps the Gramax building would be the best choice. It does have a heliport, after all.

Anonymous said...

Wheaton mall.

Sligo said...

Wheaton Plaza = outside the Beltway, which violates one of the rules.

Disco Stu said...

if the zombies will eventually starve to death... well, since zombies are already by definition, dead...

Sligo, that's totally true. I was thinking of not being able to watch DVDs, etc. And you already got a pretty good jump on us by choosing the firehouse, sort of like playing hide-and-go-seek and someone's already in the prime spot!

Really a good idea for a defensible spot is some older military installation which is already fortified. Fort Reno? Old Post Office building? National Cathedral bell towers maybe? Oh, yeah, I'm from out of your zipcode and down in MtP/Columbia Heights. So that does alter your assignment slightly. Can you imagine the Target/DC USA? (Dern! Broke the rules...)

It's tough because the thought of "go where there are no people" in a place where there are so many friggin people! I think that's the allure of zombie movies is in an urban lifestyle a growing sense of misanthropy...

Oh and hand grenades. BenHur chopper and hand grenades... sounds like a Quinten Tarentino flick...

and a Katana... gotta roll up your sleeves and get awful messy...

Disco Stu said...

You know what you need is a moat, that you can run a current thru. Presumably, zombies still get shorted out by electricity?

Ah Ha! THIS is defensible + Moat:

Silver Spring really does have everything.

Sligo said...

Way ahead of you.

Unfortunately, that castle violates the outside the beltway rule. You'd never make it there alive.

Disco Stu said...

True. The Beltway is like a moat itself. Can you imagine? Bumper to bumper plus flesh eating zombies? *shudder* talk about road Rage...

Well, I'm screwed then. Best bet is to try and armor up so that they can't bite me. And then, when I am turned, I'll be an armored zombie, comin' at'cha.

Thanks for the best diversion of the day!

Vagrarian said...

I would be working my black magic and turning the zombies on everyone who's ever pissed me off...

Hey, if you can have zombies, I can have black magic. So there.

Lucy Proctor said...

MY HUSBAND WILL LOOOOOVE THIS POST!! Thanks for making us feel like we're not such dorks or talking about this scenario once we've had a few drinks :).

Heather Galaxy said...

Okay, going to any place that is a top destination for other people is a big no-no. Also places of authority should be off the list (i.e. hospitals, police stations, fire houses) as the confused masses will be looking for someone to protect them.

You should stay in your house. Fill in your bathtubs and sinks with water. Start boarding up windows. Stay tight for at least a few days. Make sure you bike is tuned up and ready.

Guns aren't so good anyway for zombies as they run out of ammo and attract zombies with the sound. Better get a crow bar or other such weapon.

Am I the only one that has read the Zombie Survival Guide?

wombat said...

OK, that's it, I am going to Heather's house, because she is brave enough to get close enough to a zombie to use a crowbar on it.

silver spring penguin said...

My game plan:

(1) Gun shop. Not brave enough to slug a zombie with a crowbar.

(2) Giant's bakery department, and of course the canned-food aisle.

(3) My apartment. It's on the top floor with a great view and immediate access to rooftop extraction.

May I assume that the zombies can be fooled into believing that I too have been zombified if I stagger around with a vacant look on my face? It worked in "Shawn of the Dead".

If that's the case, it makes survival that much easier, in my opinion.

Sligo said...

The staggering around won't work for avoiding zombies. You need to smear zombie guts all over yourself, since they navigate by smell.

Homesick said...

One other random thought. If I was looking to form a band of survivors the first place I would check is Ray's the Classics to see if Michael Landrum was working. The guy butchers his own meat so he probably has a collection of nasty knives and cleavers that he would definitely know how to handle. Anyone who keeps restaurant hours would definitely be an asset as a night watchman, keeping guard while the rest of the band got some much needed shuteye. Judging by the decor at his new burger place he has an affinity for horror movies and is probably well versed in zombie strengths/weaknesses. If you were locked down in a building for an extended period of time with a bunch of random, past-its-prime foodstuffs he would hopefully be able to make them a little more palatable. And finally, he has a slightly crazy look in his eye that tells me he wouldn't hesitate for a second to hack down someone who was recently bit.

silver spring penguin said...

Sligo wrote: "You need to smear zombie guts all over yourself, since they navigate by smell."

Yeah, I can do that. Surviving the zombie apocalypse just got a whole lot easier!

Sligo said...

Uh, sorry, but after playing Dead Rising, I am going nowhere near a butcher during a Zombie Apocalypse.

God that game was fun.

Anonymous said...

I would go to Jackie's. Eventually the zombies would be turned off by the poor service and decide it wasn't worth it.

Anonymous said...

There is ENTIRELY too much testosterone in this thread.

TheDadReport said...

Simple, hide in Shitty Place Mall. No one ever goes in there.

Springvale Roader said...

This thread is yet more evidence of why City Place Mall really is Shitty Place Mall. If you holed up in Shitty Place, the only things that could sustain you for a while would be the food in the food court. Otherwise, what will you find there to help you? Cheap clothes, cheap jewelry, and...there is no and. We're not talking Monroeville Mall here (Dawn of the Dead, the original) that had a wide variety of stores with useful goods AND a video arcade AND greenery to bury your dead friends in and grow radishes on their nutrients. The fact that Shitty Place is good only for fast food rations (grease and salt and sugar) shows what a lame ass joint it is. I'd rather eat brains.

Anyhew, this game is rigged since any sensible human would head for the hills and not stop at the Beltway. Otherwise, frankly, no matter where you hole up you're zombie chow, or a starved corpse that re-animates. The only escape it to a fortress where you can grow food. A prison, a la "The Walking Dead," would suffice, but better yet is an island.

Fortunately, a zombie plague is highly unlikely, although if John McCain wins, it's evidence enough that our country is already overrun by the braindead walking corpses.

But to answer Sligo's question: how about the defunct theater under the Golden Flame?

Sligo said...

Well if your options were unlimited, then it wouldn't really be a Silver Spring post.

Re: the old movie theater under the Golden Flame.

Again, it has the drawback of being pitch black and difficult to escape from, if necessary.

Tina & Drew said...

Anon 6:59 - testosterone overload?

You hurt me :) I love this stuff. Sigh until my boyfriend met me he would never have thought to catch the 12:01 showings of Dawn of the Dead, Shawn of the Dead and 28 Days Later - not just a horror geek here did also see WallE, 300 and other movies as well...

Just fun to muse about the possibilities. Told him about the post - he said he would get into a car and try to take out as many zombies as possible in the first 30 minutes as I filled up on supplies... I told him have fun being a zombie. :)

Sligo - picked up the Walking Dead - great recco - blew through book 1 in a flash! Neeeeeeed..... moooore!

Sligo said...

I went through the whole Walking Dead series - at least the ones already in book form - in a week or so.

Thomas Hardman said...

Good lord, what have I started here... one little metaphor about DTSS rising from the tomb to stumble about to the consternation of all who behold the Emo Kids on Ellswoth (or was that someone else's metaphor?) and next thing you know it's a regular zombie festival.

Okay, it's too bad we're limited to Silver Spring and Inside the Beltway, but it seems to me that otherwise the Kensington National Guard Armory might be the place to go. There's a nearby Safeway and a couple of pharmacies, assorted mechanical and repair shops nearby in case you muster up the nerve and have some need to dash out for resupply.

Now, one might ask, why would any serious local-politics blog such as "Silver Spring, Singular" run a thread on Zombies? Well, clearly it's a major concern. I mean, didn't anyone learn anything from Hurricane Katrina?

Seriously: the lessons of 9/11 seem to have got us all rather inconvenienced down at the airport but nobody's taking zombies seriously... except perhaps for the architect of the firehouse there in DTSS.

I'm tempted to go to my own blog and do a copy-cat post in the hopes that it would inspire every other regional blogger to provide detailed anti-zombie information for their own neighborhood. I do have such neighborhood information for Aspen Hill but sadly it's not zombie-related.

The fact is, we'd be toast. Maybe the SunTrust building would work, and the truly daring could make mad dashes out to K-Mart for camping supplies and whatnot. On the other hand, it's right across the street from Gate of Heaven Cemetery on the one side, and on the other side, past the Home Depot it's nothing but single-family detached residential houses generally with lots of shrubs and gardens. Zombie paradise if you know what I mean. And let's not even get started on nearby Leisure World.

Seriously, though: even if you manage to Escape From Silver Spring, where would you go? Columbia? Konterra (assuming it's completed in our scenario)? Burtonsville? Maybe, I dunno, does Laurel seem totally out of the question?

And where is the voice of the Urban Planning community here? I thought they were supposed to be visionary and forward-looking, but they really don't seem to have given much thought to zombie apocalypses, now have they.

Springvale Roader said...

Sligo: I'm waiting for the new volume to come out in September, since I've read the series by book and volume, not individual issues. (VERY CRYPTIC SPOILER ALERT): she should have finished him off, eh?

Thomas Hardman: you've made the understandable mistake of thinking that cemeteries are very dangerous during the intermittent living dead plagues we've experienced throughout the centuries. (What, you don't remember the Crisis of '56?) Corpses trapped in coffins are stuck. Sure, the underground thumping might be creepy, but ain't nobody a'comin' crawling out of 6 feet of dirt.

silver spring penguin said...

Do zombies eventually starve "to death" if they don't get tasty brains to eat? Also, is it necessary to blow a zombie's head off with a 12-gage, or will some other means of elimination work just as well. How do they react to fire?


Sligo said...

Penguin, I would advise watching the video to get answers to your questions.

I suppose eventually their bodies would decompose enough that they are no longer mobile, but who knows how long that might take.

Thayer Ave., too said...

Sligo, I can't decide which delights and amuses me more: that you posted your original scenario, or that 48 people posted such thoughtful (and extensive) replies.

My answer: when we get an underground Purple Line station, I'm heading straight there. You don't want to be boxed in, and you don't want to be forced out into the zombie-filled open if you have to bail.

The Metro tunnels would provide shelter, protected access to other, zombie-less locales where you could pick up food and weapons, and emergency exits every few hundred yards. (And while the power was still on, you could lure the zombies down onto the electrified rail and zap 'em by the batch.)

One scenario I've seen has the station located directly underneath the new SS library at Fenton and Wayne, so I'd even have access to reading material!

If only the zombies can hold off until they build the Purple Line. . .

Sligo said...

thayer ave too,

There is one problem with your strategy. By the time the Purple Line is built, you will already have died of old age so therefore you will actually BE one of the zombies.

Thomas Hardman said...

Springvale Roader: Well, just keep in mind that, not entirely unlike certain Internet Personalites, those zombies can be just awfully persistent.

Seriously, we've got lots of apartment and condo complexes in the neighborhood, too. But they'd probably all run and try to hide in the K-Mart from the encroaching zombie horde, and as Sligo observes about the Silver Spring Safeway, plate glass windows aren't much use once they start gathering in large numbers.

But let's look at another scenario, that portrayed in the low-budget soon-to-be cult-classic The Signal.

Not entirely different from Stephen King's Cell, basically one day everyone hears a signal transmitted over all media and as soon as they hear it, go homicidally insane. It's not like all of a sudden they hate everyone, or are completely foaming-at-mouth insane, it's just that everyone else has to die, it's just suddenly obvious etc etc. Furthermore there's decreased sensitivity pain and susceptibility to going into shock. Of course, complete collapse of civilization ensues, etc.

Would the places you'd hide from zombies still be the appropriate place to hide?

See also the supposed remake of George A. Romero's the Crazies.

silver spring penguin said...

Do these invading zombie armies dance? That would be pretty cool.

TheDadReport said...

All I know for sure about zombies is simple. When the rescuers come you don't want to be a black man inside a house.

Anonymous said...

LOL - you gave it some thorough thought. I cannot help but wonder how you must have prepared for the Y2K changeover.

DTSS Zombie Expert said...

A lot of you have some good ideas, but there are some problems:

Getting OUT of Silver Spring would be the only way to survive. Anyone who knows anything at all about zombies knows that you have to go to unpopulated areas to have any chance at all of survivial.

That said, here's what I would do:

Though it would be smart to head first to Atlantic Guns, if you don't take all the ammo they have for the particular guns you take, they're pretty much useless in a short while - food is more important. Not to mention that in only 30 minutes, it would be hard to bust through their bars at the window or talk your way through the guns that would surely be pointed at you from inside the store.

So, seeing as I only have 30 minutes, I would grab my ipod and laptop, fill my Lowes Garden Cart with all the food and blankets I have in the house (on Pershing Drive right at Springvale) and any club type weapons I have on hand (axe, bats, crowbars, etc.) needed to protect ourselves on the way to SEE BELOW.

I would have my husband fill the truck with everything he can throw in there in 10 minutes that we might need, and we would all haul arse over to Strosniders. We would drive the truck inside the wrought iron gates, lock the gates, leave the kids and the dog inside the gate, and haul ass over to Whole Paycheck, grab what we can, lock the doors, and rush back.

Strosniders is defendable, has those lovely gates, and a loading dock. We could actually drive the truck inside the loading dock to keep it out of harm's way, and pack it with survival tools in case we had to haul ass out of Silver Spring at some point (which we will, but which is against the rules of this post).

Strosniders has no guns, but it has propane, soil, fertilizer and seeds, as well as a flat roof, if we have to grow any food (considering that no one is coming to save us). It has charcoal, BBQ grills, candles, and utensils, as well as beef jerky. :-)

We could make Molotov cocktails and pipe bombs if need be, and totally block the gates.

We actaully would hole up, and not be trying to kill any zombies - thereby drawing attention to ourselves inside the hardware store. If we needed to get out for any reason (and were planning to return), and there were zombies at the gate, we could go over the roofs to Whole Paycheck, which we locked behind us, to get more food. (I know, but work with me here.)

If we needed to leave and were NOT planning to return, we would just get inside the packed truck, which is inside the building on the loading dock, and bust the gates.

Plan B would definitely be clearing out one of the gigantic apartment buidlings and picking it clean.

(But what I would REALLY do in case of zombie takeover is pack the truck with all the stuff I mentioned and haul ass to the waterfront and get on a boat. I'd just float out a little, because if we ran out of gas we;d be in trouble.

P.S. In case anyone is interested, I have probably the most impressive library of zombie and post-apocolyptic fiction in the whole entire area.

Sligo said...

DTSS Zombie Expert,

I assume you'll be at our zombie walk.

Springvale Roader said...

Hey DTSS Zombie Expert: I'm the other DTSS zombie expert, having been a fan of the undead since approximately 1973 when my sister in college came home on break raving about this really scare movie called NOTLD. I've got a pretty impressive movie library myself, not to mention, among other things, a commemorative 25th anniversary NOTLD book signed by everyone but Duane Jones (alas, dead and having stayed dead) and Judith Ripley (no good excuse for not showing up).

And you know what? I live around the corner from you.

As for the DTSS Zombie Walk: great idea! Alas, Halloween night is when I go all out decorating the yard and greeting the trick or treaters, so I can't join y'all (too bad, because I can do a killer zombie costume). Last year in D.C. the zombie walk was on the Saturday night before Halloween, so maybe next year I can join in the fun, depending on the timing.

P.S. For a sorta-zombie, post-apocalyptic novel, you might want to read, "The Missing," by Sarah Langan. I just finished it, and it's not bad.

DTSS Zombie Expert said...

NEIGHBOR! Identify yourself so that I may raid your library. :-) We're the house with the vicious snarling Rottweiler who likes to sit out in the front yard.

Sligo....I will consider the zombie walk, but fear I may be a little too old for such frivolities.

Springvale Roader said...

DTSS Zombie Expert:

You mean Shiloh the Demon Dog?

You know me. I thought your house was on fire a few weeks ago. :)

DTSS Zombie Expert said...

Yes, that's us. I feel the need, however, to defend my dog. He only LOOKS like a demon dog. He's actually quite friendly and sweet, uber drooly, but suffers from breed discrimination.

Additionally, he pretends to be very aggressive if people walk by and do not ackownledge him. If you speak kindly to him, all that fake aggression goes right out the window.

Would love to raid your zombie library, and I'm sure I have some stuff you haven't read as well. :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm not that familiar with Silver Spring, but I'm assuming there are lots of contractor buildings there like we have in Fairfax. My plan has long been to head to the office - 12 story building with windows on all sides, heavy doors that all require access badges to open, (stairwells behind such doors and elevators that require badges too), multiple kitchenettes on every floor, cafeteria, gym, generator somewhere that always kicks in to keep our computers going... Most office buildings should be similar. In mine there is a second floor walkway that overlooks the lobby so you could kill any zombies that breached the entrance. It's a multi-layer defense with the building, each floor and individual offices if it comes to that. Not a lot of flaws that I can think of. Am I overlooking anything?

Alexis said...

Anonymous -- The office building plan sounds really solid - but what about food? Would you plan on planting food on the roof or assume that you could bring all your food with you to the office building? Other than that, sounds like a pretty strong safe hold.

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I never dare to play the zombie faces since the images are so frightening. Glad to read these nice ideas.

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Sometimes I couldn't understand the crude pleasure people get out of these festivals of zombies. However, it is interesting.

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Eviction Notice Forms said...

At the mention of the Zombie Apocalypse lyrics at Silver Spring my heart started dancing and all sorts of ideas and plans invaded my naughty head. Nice reading yours too.

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Reading and learning about the zombies could be so interesting, I have not thought about. They look so terrifying. I wonder how they could enjoy so much.

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Truly zombies are not real but interesting characters to experience about and read different stories about these strange things. It is a nice read.

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