Since there's nothing "real" that is interesting enough to write about these days, let's delve into the hypothetical. In the comments from my last post, the subject of zombies in Silver Spring somehow came up. Ever since then, I've had zombies on the brain ("Braaaaaiiiiiiinnnnssss...") and was thinking about what I'd do if the zombie apocalypse came to pass.
Here's what I came up with:
First, I'd make a beeline for Atlantic Guns. God knows you can't take on crowds of zombies without an arsenal of firearms worthy of Chuck Heston - most particularly shotguns. If the Zombies haven't already overrun the downtown area, or if the hordes are still thin enough that I can blast my way through them, my next stop would be Strosnider's to grab chainsaws, machetes and axes plus any tools that can serve as blunt edged weapons. If they've got a generator and there's time, I'd requisition a truck and bring that along as well.
Then I’d haul ass down Fenton Street over to the Safeway and load shopping carts up with bottled water and canned goods. Some might consider this a good place to hole up, but I don’t agree. More on that later. Once I’ve loaded up my vehicle, I’d drive a few blocks to my home for the foreseeable future – the Silver Spring fire station.
Why the fire station?
- The station is in a strategic position that offers an excellent visibility in most directions of any approaching zombies (Allowing me to pick them off with my rifle.)
- I assume it has proper living quarters as well as exercise equipment I can use to stay in zombie-slaughtering shape.
- The building will likely have a supply of firefighting equipment, some of which (axes) could effectively be used to decapitate the enemy.
- Its location adjacent to the train tracks offers easy access to a relatively secure route out of town if it came to that. The tracks would probably be a lot more open and safer than the the city streets.
- Fire trucks could be used to plow through crowds of zombies. Fun.
Safeway. While one could last for some time on Safeway's stock of food, I don't love the idea of large, difficult-to-defend windows that could collapse under the pressing weight of hundreds of zombies. This was my original choice, but I changed my mind.
Besides, the Safeway parking lot is scary enough without zombies:
Photo by Flickr user tanekaberi.
Whole Foods has the same drawbacks as Safeway, plus it's smaller. It does have the secret upper level in it's favor, though. At least you could fall back to there if things got ugly.
Let's have a survey - what would your strategy be for surviving the onslaught of the undead in Silver Spring? Here's a few rules & guidelines for this exercise:
- The Zombies you’d be running from are the archetypical slow, plodding undead made famous in George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. You wouldn’t have to worry about any of these newfangled sprinting zombies à la 28 Days Later. Sure, it’s easier to avoid the slow ones, but what they lack in speed they make up for in numbers and persistence.
- You would have a brief window of time – let’s say thirty minutes - to gather supplies and reinforce your preferred hideout before downtown is completely overrun by the living dead.
- Your hideout must be located in an area of Silver Spring inside the Beltway, preferably in downtown. In this scenario, the roads are already jammed and you won’t have the ability to reach any SSINO areas.
- The National Guard won’t be coming to the rescue anytime soon, if ever. Be sure you are prepared for the long haul.
You may also find this instructional video helpful:
If you wish to assess your chance of survival, take the Real Zombie Survival Quiz.
Before you make any decisions, here's a few places that might initially appear to be good anti-zombie redoubts, but would actually really suck:
The Quarry House Tavern. Sure, being trapped in an underground lair stocked with plenty of beer may sound fun, and the location is easily defendable, but think about it: you are in a basement with no electricity, perishable food and just a single (?) exit through a small stairwell. You have to assume that the stairs with be jam packed with zombies once they figure out where you are. Good luck getting out of there when your supplies run out.
City Place. Unlike the characters in Dawn of the Dead, who were able to indulge in an orgy of wanton consumerism in their mall, anyone trapped in City Place would probably be bored out of their minds in under fifteen minutes. You’d probably turn your shotgun around on yourself after a day or two. One thing City Place might have going for it is that even zombies probably wouldn’t want to venture into that mall, fresh brains notwithstanding.
Silver Spring Police Station. You would think it would be secure and well-stocked with weapons, and it is near a 7-11, but in all zombie stories they always seem to get into the police station, so I'm not taking the risk.
Ok, now - discuss.