Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Time for Silver Spring to get Vertical

It’s time to solve the office space/job shortage in downtown Silver Spring once and for all. I’m sick and tired of browsing job openings and being discouraged that they are all located in the hinterlands of Virginia, where they can’t even get enough people to fill all the positions. Meanwhile, Silver Spring is located right on the border of the District, has MARC, Metro and bus stations in the middle of downtown yet is home to only one large employer of note. Seriously, it’s not like there isn’t space, yet most new projects are condos for housing people who work elsewhere. We can’t even get some token office space thrown in with the Studio Plaza project.

As Otter once said in Animal House, “I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.” It falls upon me to propose that futile and stupid gesture.

We need to build a skyscraper in Silver Spring. And I don’t mean some pedestrian 60-storey job. I’m talking about an absurdly tall, “mine’s bigger”, Dubai/Shanghai-style, 100+ floor skyscraper. Sound crazy? Well, they said the same thing about the Empire State Building when they decided to build it in midtown Manhattan, and look how that turned out.

The glass should be tinted silver (of course) and about halfway up the building should have setbacks that narrow it by about 66%. This, in combination with a rounded top, will create a profile not dissimilar to that of an extended middle finger. This facade should be angled towards Northern Virginia. It will be lit up brilliantly at night so that that the populace of Virginia can see its outline 24/7.

Let’s be honest, the current Silver Spring skyline isn’t exactly awe-inspiring. Virginia has their cute little skyline when you cross the river into Arlington, but with this project we can absolutely crush them. Besides all the jobs we can fill it with (reducing vehicular traffic to VA), the building would provide us with significant bragging rights over the Commonwealth.

Someone get Donald Trump on the line.



9 comments:

rd said...

That's actually a REALLY good idea.

lil b said...

you are hilarious.

Silver Springer said...

I LOVE IT !!!

silver spring penguin said...

I call dibs on the penthouse suite!

Mdman said...

AMEN! But I suggest a variation: four tall buildings in a row, with the third taller than the rest. Just to emphasize the "salute" to VA.

Dumbek said...

Bring it!

silver spring penguin said...

Could we build F.U.Va. Tower above the transit center? The thought of having apartments over a bus station is mind-numbingly dumb.

Also, could I get an executive washroom with that penthouse suite?

Anonymous said...

are you kidding. Silver spring will never had a skyscraper. I don't know why you would even think it?

Sligo said...

Dude, it's satire.